Saturday, August 31, 2013

Day 205 - Another Long Meandering Confession

August 30, 2013       244.6 lbs

Big brick day, still not feeling to good. Here are the assigned workouts. I didn't do them. Instead I rested

Swimming: 4500 yards - 400 warm up, 200 catch up, 200 swim - 600 free, 3x100 fast with 10 sec rest, 500 free, 3x100 fast with 10 sec rest, 400 free, 3x100 fast with 10 sec rest, 300, 3x100 fast with 10 sec rest, 200, 3x100 fast with 10 sec rest - 200 warm down.

Running: 1hr 20 min Z2 Run with 3x10' at Z3 HR.

I know the post haven't been to thrilling lately. It is what it is. Having some motivational issues. Especially after not losing very much weight in six months of training with a clean diet. There isn't much I haven't tried.

Except steroids. Did you know there are steroids for weight loss? I didn't. Of course, that would completely undermine my heart health and I don't have any desire to have raisinets for testicles. Plus, I have enough anger issues, all I need is to add "roid rage" to it. Weather the stories are true or not, I don't care. Not going to risk it.

The best results I got was eating raw. The problem is, I found it difficult to maintain. After 44 years of eating cooked food, my brain just didn't like the idea. But I never felt better in both my body and my mind as I did eating raw and drinking lots of water. They say that if you really want to make a lasting change you start small and gradually build. A lesson I should have learned many times over at this point in my life. Due to other things like my OCD which flares up worse in times of stress, I like patterns. And that can include what I eat and when. I can't tell you how many times, I have obsessed about a new restaurant or food item until The Boss is far beyond sick of it. It isn't easy living with me by any standard.
This can include things that make me feel good temporarily. Like a drink.  .  .or three. Or chocolate. Sometimes people like me, (addictive people) have an internal tape loop that is just always on. We find these things like alcohol and drugs turn down the sound for a little while. It never goes away completely, just turned down. Under optimal conditions, it's possible to "forget" about the sound of the loop. Conditions like being healthy and at peace. That's the best way I can describe it.

Always by this time of the morning, (6:30 am), I have an urge to just go ride or run or swim instead of lay down and sleep. Then I remember all the years of sleep debt I accumulated working on those tv shows and movies and the weariness kicks in.

I sent a message to my coach, (Chris Hauth) last night, that I was feeling unmotivated and why. He just responded reminding me that it can take a long time to undo what it took years to mess up. Your gosh-darned right! I already feel the fire rekindling. Until tomorrow my friends.

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